More Cop Humour... Options

[neil]

Being a Police officer in the UK


Question:

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?



Answer:

Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. When suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock 17, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?



UK POLICE OFFICERS
Answer: Well, that's not really enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 999?

Why is this street so deserted? Maybe we need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour?

If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

If I shoot him, and lose the court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?



AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS
Answer: BANG!



AMERICAN OFFICERS
Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANGÖ Click.

Daughterís comment: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

[neil]

And more.....





A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!


Glasgow cop says," License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Glasgow cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Glasgow cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"


London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.


If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating
the FUCK out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"