"everyone is so blurry... and everyone is so fake"

Puddle of Mudd - Blurry....

An illegal mp3... (Pipe down James)

As the song plays I think about our meeting... the link between CS players becomes a bond as we put names to faces...

and yet these faces have different 'real' names...

did it ever strike you that the people you repeatedly blow up/shoot/knife are actually real people?

Lucky enough to meet the few that turned up... an expected anxiety swept through my body as I got off the train... I was on this journey alone... and to meet perfect strangers who I know a little by voice and not much more...

it became all the more evident that I knew f*ck all about these people as it was Neils girlfriend who came to pick me up from the station...

As I walked straight past her.. I knew by instinct by the pace of her walk that she was looking for someone... as I dial Paul's phone and she picked up... it made perfect sense...

the seemingly hour long walk to the establishment where I would meet all the so called 'crew'... the anxiety a churning ball in my stomach..

but as I strolled through the evening streets... a comforting calmness overtook the anxiety... and the unknown almost felt common place..

As I worry about having no ID with me... we stroll into the pub...

looking around I find myself feeling a little too short against the majority...

as I'm leaded up to the people I've never met before...

the first thing I feel is the astonishment at these people actually existing... do not forget, I know these people through my computer...

i stroll up to the group... Paul is fecking tall... and Jason is equally so... I feel like even more of a dwarf...

but Paul looks older than his photo... and Jason (Koolcat) is not a 17 year old bloke like I expected...

Sam aka Squigs sits for the entire evening... just watching the people around her mold into a crowd... occasionally shouting a word or too in defence...

James aka Susan? is in the other group... the divided people who seem not part of the online posse... and yet contain Emmy and Meat? (maybe....) and Neil...

As Emmy moves more towards our group.., I look upon her as quite a beautiful creature.., tall and slender, pretty and witty... something inside me makes me look no further....

People seem to be leaving... Paul and Sam have to go home (damn driving/non-alcohol) and so Graham and Peter have to hitch the lift to the train station...

I find myself amongst James, Emmy, Neil & Naun... going to Neils place...

Air America is on... and as I and Neil polish off a bottle of wine.. I realise how pissed I am...