>>The truth about Chuck Norris
>>
>>Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the
>>director
>>said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and
>>roundhouse kicked him in the face.
>>
>>If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
>>same
>>time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
>>
>>If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
>>Norris
>>you may be only seconds away from death.
>>
>>On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
>>
>>Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
>>
>>When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
>>plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
>>
>>It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the
>>light
>>side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
>>
>>Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
>>substance.
>>But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the
>>face
>>so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned
>>into
>>artificial Chuck Norris.
>>
>>Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby
>>out
>>of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
>>
>>Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
>>decided
>>to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
>>beard.
>>
>>God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
>>super strength roundhouse ability.
>>
>>Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
>>
>>When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it
>>was
>>10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
>>
>>Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
>>
>>A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
>>phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
>>
>>Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
>>Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
>>the
>>face.
>>
>>Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer
>>space by the naked eye.
>>
>>Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
>>
>>Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
>>
>>Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
>>water.
>>
>>If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
>>species
>>list.
>>
>>Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
>>
>>Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
>>
>>When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said,
>>"don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
>>five
>>minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
>>a
>>few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
>>When
>>his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
>>the
>>face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
>>
>>We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
>>before
>>they could tell him there was a stripper in it
>>
>>Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
>>"Bang!"
>>
>>In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his
>>most
>>memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in
>>Total
>>Recall.
>>
>>Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
>>
>>If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
>>would win? Chuck Norris
>>
>>Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
>>
>>Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out
>>transformed into a robot.
>>
>>In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced
>>Carlton
>>for one scene and nobody noticed.
>>
>>Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win
>>the
>>1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out
>>of
>>jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4
>>card
>>from the game Uno.
>>
>>Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
>>kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended
>>or
>>hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
>>
>>Chuck Norris invented water.
>>
>>Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to
>>a
>>vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
>>constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then
>>burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the
>>flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
>>
>>One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
>>his
>>left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its
>>technical term: Jupiter.
>>
>>Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of
>>Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3
>>minutes
>>of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
>>symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and
>>the
>>feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
>>
>>Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.
>>
>>Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
>>he
>>simply changes the actual spelling of it.
>>
>>Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred
>>when
>>Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
>>
>>Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens
>>and
>>roundhouse kick them.
>>
>>In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be
>>seen
>>powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
>>
>>Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I
>>am a
>>club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all
>>because someone spilt his beer.