Health Warning., Take heed..... Options

[Doctor]

Dear Ringers-

Having recently started spending more time visiting a variety of internet forums, we at the Doctor Institute noticed an alarming trend. Many of the people posting seem to feel the need to assume the persona of a badass internet "playa" or "gangsta" despite the fact that in the real world they are middle-class whiteboys from Surrey who live with their parents. Many would say that this is a harmless trend that will die out as soon as these poor fellows realise that they are not in the slightest bit "street", stop trying to grow bum-fluff beards and trying to pull 14 year old kappa slappers. However we at the institute believe that this disorder may well be a previously undiagnosed mental illness which we have dubbed "Tragicus Wigganosis" and found to follow a predictable pattern;

Stage 1- after typing the word "gat" enough times, the subject undergoes physical changes to their appearance, thusly.

Stage 2- as the subject descends deeper into their fantasy, the strength of their delusion extends to their personal vehicle, which undergoes external changes involving lots of stick-on parts and dodgy paintwork. The process can still be arrested at this stage by reading some books or looking out of the window and realising that you are not living in LA or NYC, but instead a suburb in Camberley.

Stage 3- during the final stage the subject's pheromone signature becomes subtly altered with the result that they are no longer able to attract normal women, and instead find themselves a magnet for ladeez like this, that and the other. Recovery is extremely unlikely at this point, and the whole sorry affair usually ends badly as exposure to large amounts of Argos bling leads to base metal poisoning.

We at the institute are working around the clock towards a cure, well ok not that hard, 'cos let's face it who cares, but the first stage is getting the patient to admit that there may be a problem. If you feel that you may be suffering from this disorder,please post here, and we will help you begin the long road to health by mocking you with all the power we can command. If you wish to try a quicker cure, try stepping away from the computer, opening the curtains and looking outside. If you see skyscrapers, thick smog, burning cars with bullet holes and lots of fat fucks, you are living in a 'hood and can continue as before. If you see a three-bedroomed semi with a Volvo estate in the driveway, you do not live in America, and might just want to try English for a change. Good Luck!

This post has been edited by Doctor: Apr 11 2004, 04:45 PM

[Bird]

Sounds like the local 'Spar - possee'...