online tech surport Options

[campaign dinosaur]

> HELPDESK LOG...

> Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?

> Female customer: A white one...

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

> Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?

> Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

> Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."

> Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's

> still on my desk... sorry ....

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the

screen.

> Customer: Your left or my left?

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

> Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

> Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

> Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not

> Bill Gates damn it!

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it

> says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it

> in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find

> it...

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Customer: I have problems printing in red...

> Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?

> Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?

> Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the

supermarket.

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

> Customer: It's not working.

> Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?

> Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's

> happening...

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

> Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

> Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

> Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

> Customer: OK

> Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?

> Customer: Yes

> Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there

another

> keyboard?

> Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital

> letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

> Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> A customer couldn't get on the internet.

> Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?

> Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

> Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?

> Customer: Five stars.

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?

> Customer: Netscape.

> Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

> Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a

screensaver on my

> computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?

> Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.

Can you

> please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?

> Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

> Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button

more than 4

> hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

> Helpdesk: How may I help you?

> Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.>

> Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?

> Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle

around

> it?

[camsmith]

Surprised you didn't add the one about

"My screen went blank"
"Is it plugged in?"
... a fair bit of conversation before...
"I can't see, the room's a bit dark"
"Turn the light on"
"I can't - there's a blackout"
"Well please find the box your computer was delivered in, pack it up and send it back with a note explaining that you are too dumb to be allowed own a computer."